Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A new game

Hey boys and girls, its your old friend Uncle Wedge with a fun new game for us to play together.

It's called, "Spot the Wookie!"

(kids yelling "Yeeeaahhh!")

So, I will show you some pictures of different aliens, and if you spot a wookie, what do you say?

(kids yelling "Arggghooouughhh")

Good job. Here we go with our first picture...












(kids are silent)



Good job, that's a big ugly creature, but it is not a wookie.

Next,











(kids yelling "Arggghooouughhh")

Yes, that's correct. Good job kids!

Now be careful because it will start to get harder.

Next picture please...



























(a couple of kids "Arrghhhhouuugh!")

No, a few of you made a wrong guess, but a nice try. These creatures are hairy and strange looking, but they are not wookies.

Do you want to keep going?

(kids yelling "YYEAHHHH!)


OK, Spot the wookie...

next picture, please...
















(kids yelling "Arggghooouughhh")

Yes, good job in spotting the wookie! Uncle Wedge got that one right away, too.

Next picture please...























(kids are silent)

Wow, you boys and girls are very smart. This is another animal entirely. Excellent job!

Concentrate real hard and, spot the wookie!


















(kids yelling "Arggghooouughhh")

Oh, wonderful, a whole family of wookies! Great job!

Get ready...

Next picture please...
























(scattered sounds of "Arrgghhouuuughh")

Oh, no. This is a tricky one, but these are not wookies. See, I told you this was getting harder, but you guys are doing great.


Ready for the last one?


Take your time and look carefully because it is tricky...

SPOT THE WOOKIE!


























(sounds of indecision and "huh?")

Don't feel bad, because I can't tell either. Even our experts were stumped with the one, so we will leave it up to you at home to decide for yourself.

Well, our time has run out. This is Uncle Wedge saying thanks for playing, "Spot the Wookie!"

More on Hoth

I hope I didn’t offend too many people yesterday with the joke, but it was sent to me by a woman and it did make me laugh. What with all the stupid jokes that I hear and get on my terminal (via the Holonet), I do like to share the better ones with others.

So, I was talking about Hoth… and tauntauns… and how cold it was.

You may have noticed that on my list of previous jobs (when I got tagged by a ‘friend’, I listed tauntaun wrangler. Well, I learned that skill on Hoth because when we first arrived we had no speeders. It seems that who ever ‘donated’ the speeders to the cause (the Rebel alliance did have some substantial backers), got them on the cheap and they were not quite adapted to the extremes of the ice planet.

So, we had to go out and round up these creatures. Well, after the Admiral asked for volunteers, and no one raised their hand, the Colonel took over and had a lottery. What a bad day to be ‘lucky’!

I and four others were recruited to hunt down, capture, return and saddle up at least ten of these creatures. So off we went. We did have some wheeled vehicles that got us around, but they were very inefficient and had a limited range.

We ran into an outpost of miners who were trying to see if there was anything valuable at the core of this force-forsaken place. We learned that the ice was riddled with caves and that there was algae and moss to be found in the caves. That was where we would find tauntauns. And close by, there would be caves with wompas, hunting the tauntauns.

It turns out that you could often smell the front of a cave and figure out if tauntauns or wompas lived there. And what does a tauntaun smell like? Think of a gym sock that has been left in a locker for the whole summer, rub that on an old, dirty dog that is eating moldy liver, and you sort of get the idea. Mostly it is their breath, so it was not too bad riding them.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Joke going around

I heard this one in the mess this evening, and I must share it.

A woman goes into Jawa-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Jawa-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only 20 credits."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Galaxy Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be 35 credits please. " The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for 20 credits? How did you get 35?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is 20 credits, but the Duck Call is 11 credits and the Catfish Bait is 4 more."

Sittin' out in space...

Well, we had a small accident when we were leaving the Alderaan asteroid field. Some debris got into one of the engines and the carrier couldn’t make the jump, so we sort of chugged along on standard power until the techs could figure out what happened.

While we were stuck out there I ordered Rogue Squadron to scramble and we had more practice on carrier defense. There were the usual moans and groans because everyone thought they were going to get some down-time while the fleet waited for the repairs.

At the de-brief I made my usual “expect the unexpected” speech, but I could tell these pilots were a little tired. Still, everyone stayed sharp.

I only mention this so that all of you readers will feel safe knowing that the Republic’s military defense is always ready. That and I got so bored sitting out here in this asteroid field that I wanted to make everyone else suffer too.

You know having General Solo here did bring back memories. I was thinking about the times we sat around during the Rebellion, waiting for something to happen.

It seems that the General does have a propensity for gambling. On Hoth, we would have tauntaun races in the hangers and there was General Solo making side bets with whoever was willing to give him odds. He was always looking for a sabacc game going on.

Hoth is a very cold place and the nights get down to well below freezing. I was very surprised when we got there that there was any indigenous life, but there was: tauntauns and those nasty wompas and the ice rats! Creatures that evolved as the planet cooled off over a few hundred-thousand years.

Why do I call those the ‘good ol’ days’?

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Been Busy...

I know I have been neglecting my blog, but I have been busy.

You may remember that we have a 'famous' VIP with us out here in the Alderaan asteroid field. Well, we have been conducting drills to hone out skills in avoidance and capture in such fields with 'His Highness', "Grand Lord Solo." So, between the time I have been setting up all the training, and observing and flying, and (hardest of all) listening to people complain about General Solo's demeanor, I have had my hands full.

Mostly the complaints have been about getting him things. "Could you get me more coffee, please? And not that stuff from the machine, go to the officer's mess and get me a double espresso with a pinch of cinnamon." Or, "Oh lieutenant, would you rush down and get me another of those Nubian honey rolls?" And then the classic, "Have they started serving lunch, and can we get it brought up here?"

So, I assume you can get the gist of where the General's mind is most of the time. He did offer some good suggestions and would regale anyone who stood next to him too long with the story about landing in the gut of that space slug. (Man, if I had a credit for every time I heard that story.)

But we (I) managed to get through it. We actually did not do that much flying through the field. We used remotes linked to a simulator or our actual x-wing cockpits. That way no one got hurt if they made a mistake.

We kept score by how many remotes a person lost during training. The top five (least number of remotes) were really no suprise:

1. Jaina Solo 19 sorties 2 remotes lost
2. Kryalac Brazone 15 sorties 3 remotes lost
3. Judd Maloone 12 sorties 4 remotes lost
4. Morice Freebird 12 sorites 5 remotes lost
5. Abagail Leonite 10 sorties 5 remotes lost


Notice who did not make the list? Yeah, me. As I have said, this is a job for young and quick minds. We had a limit on remotes, so once you lost five, you were out of the picture. Jaina's four, extra trips were solo missions of increasing difficulty against drones. Lt. Brazone conceded the win to Lt. Solo.

When I finally stopped the training I did get some flack from the General. "Hey, she's still not done!"

"I'm sorry, General, but we need to move on."

"Oh, OK. Well then, I'm going back to my cabin and get ready for dinner. Hey, you.. yeah you, lieutenant, could you go to the officer's mess again and have them send up some hors d'oeuvres to my cabin please?"

Man, how does he stay so thin eatin' like that?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Tagged?!?

Don't read too much into this. I don't have a whole lot of time this week to spend on my blog. But, I am not one to turn down challenge. OK, not a challenge, but a tagging is a tagging.

Four Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life:

Transport / Delivery Driver
Electronics Technician
Pilot
Ton-Ton Wrangler

Four Places You’ve Lived:

Corellia (LA)
Yamen (Chicago)
Hoth (San Diego)
Planet Vegas (now that’s what I call livin’!)

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch:

West Wing (cancelled!?!)
Lost
Gray’s Anatomy
Nova

Four Places You’ve Been On Vacation:

Corellia
Yamen
Hoth
Planet Vegas (what happens there ends up on the internet!)

Four Blogs You Visit Daily:

Mister Yoda
Lt. Cmndr Oneida
Fluke
Jon - Intergalactic Gladiator
(I have more, but these are the first four on my ‘friends’ list.)

Four Of Your favorite Foods:

Sushi / Sashimi (I know this place on Celius 4…)
Steak
Lasagna
Anything NOT served in a navy mess.

Four Places You’d Rather Be:

Celius 4 (there is this restaurant with this waitress…)
Behind the stick of my x-wing
A special beach on Naboo
Did I mention Planet Vegas?

Four Albums / CDs You Can’t Live Without:
(Just four?)

Supertramp: Crime of the Century
Derek and the Dominos: Layla
Rennesance: Novella
Bach’s Greatest Hits (yes it is a real CD)

Four Vehicles You’ve Owned:

1957 VW Btotaledbad I totalled it)
1964 ½ Ford Mustang (wish I still had it)
Ford Explorer
Hyundai Tiburon (don’t laugh, I can fit into it)

People To Be Tagged:

(I don't have that many friends...)
Jaina Solo (the new girl)
Elvis (where ever he may be)
Captain Picard

Monday, January 23, 2006

Space-net mail order

Why you should get your kilt at a shop, and not through the space-net:






Was this meant for a Hutt?

Asteroid Training

So, here we are with the carrier, and a small support fleet, just on the rim of the Alderaan asteroid field. We are going to do some flying and training on avoidance and asteroid tactics.

The Republic's flight manual and training does cover the tactics and typical maneuvers for this type of flying, but it is brief. The basic theory is that dog-fighting is a better use of time and materials, and it uses many of the same techiques as asteroid avoidance. It really is mostly speed and hand-eye coordination.

So, the rumor of the morning is that some special consultant came on board to head up this little adventure. Sure enough, at the morning briefing, there he sat, the consultant who was the 'expert' on asteroids:









"General Solo, good to see you again."

"Hello, commander. I had to look twice when I saw your name on the command roster. I would have thought you would be retired by now."

"I think they will ask me very soon, but I still have something to offer these young pilots and the Republic. And you, General, looking well." At this point I didn;t think it would be approriate to remind him that he still owed me 50 credits (plus interest) for that bet we made back on Endor.

"Thanks, Wedge, but I am retired, so you can just call me 'Grand Lord Solo.' I'm here for a few reasons: to see my daughter, protect any iterests of Alderaan property that we might encounter, and help with the exercise." He smiled that 'scoundrel' smile of his and drank his coffee.

Jaina Solo, daughter of Han and Leia, is a member of Rogue squadron. I don't talk about it for security reasons (her mother).

I nodded and found a place to sit for the briefing.

In summary, we were going to practice both attack and evasion tactics in the asteroid field and "Grand Lord Solo" was going to observe and advised. Yes, he did manage to evade capture during the rebellion using an asteroid for concealment, but why this?

My guess is that he did have time to kill, decided to come out and visit with his only daughter, and needed a reason to have the Republic pay for the visit. Another example of RHIP.

Maybe I will find the time to drop the hint about my 50 credits.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

The Kilt

Not wishing to demean, or outdo, or otherwise undermine Lt. Cmndr Oneida's post, but I will leave it up to you readers. Yes, everyone has their own personal taste.

The Commander does not care for Manpris, especially when they are tight. (I am only guessing, but probably if Capt. Typho showed up in a pair of tight Manpris, she may make an exception.)

It was suggested by the Commander that a kilt would be in order, for those of us who get really warm wearing pants (of normal length and fit).

So, for your review, here are some men in kilts:




This guy seems comfortable.










Even I would consider being seen with this handsome devil.








A more casual, every day sort of look.







Even a man's man can carry it off.









I always go too far don't I?







As for myself, I can't see too much difference. But, neither am I trying to date myself.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Friday

Here it is Friday. I kinda had plans for the weekend, but that got kibashed when we were told to ready for a star-jump. We ended up at the Alderaan asteroid field. The word is out that next week we will be conducting more maneuvers and practicing tactics.

Now, why we had be out here on a Friday is beyond me, but we are very far from any other 'habitable' planet. Certainly too far to get anywhere on a shuttle or in an x-wing. So, I guess I will do some more exploring of the carrier. There is a movie tonight in the flight bay about two guys on an outpost who realize that they really like each other. I think it is called "Spina Bifida Moon". OMG! Who picks out these films!

Oh, wow, I just realized the irony of the Carrier Organa out here picking over the remnants of Alderaan.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Duct Tape

Duct Tape: It is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Thank you for the reference, Mr. Yoda.

My old mech-droid

I keep finding old memories in the boxes that I am unpacking. Yes, I am a bit of a packrat, but after being an outcast rebel for so many years, you tend to hang on to those things that you can carry in a flight bag and an x-wing storage compartment (which is not very big).

I remember some of the guys grumbling about how they had such a small space for personal effects, while the princess got to fly in her space yacht with her entourage. Well, she was an unofficial ambassador for Alderaan, so RHIP, fellas.

“And anyone who starts bad-mouthing the princess will have to DEAL WITH ME!” Yeah, my testosterone ran pretty high back then. Of course being on the run, like we were, gave us very little time for social interaction, if you know what I mean. But, I digress…

Anyway, I found a piece of my old mech-droid, L3-G3. He was a good droid, but towards the end, after being hit a couple times during battle, he had problems. It is funny how we get attached to our droids.

Even though R3 was starting to lose control of his fluid container, I kept him around and cleaned up after him. Yeah, I would get complaints and ribbings from the guys, but L3 was a good companion. I guess the worst part of those later months was the grief that L3 took from the other droids. Especially that uppity R2 unit that belonged to Skywalker.

I mean, I was watching while L3 was doing some welding repairs on my x-wing and R2 rolls buy and starts squeaking and beeping real loud. Something about oil and fluid on the floor, and how can someone let these retarded droids work out here.

Well, I walked over to see what the commotion was about and R2 just rolls off as if nothing was wrong. I looked for a spill and, yes, I found a few drops of oil where L3 had been working, but nothing to blow a motivator over.

Well, after a while, I realized that it was time. L3 had a constant leak that the techs couldn’t repair without pulling his core and motivator apart. He was constantly making noises during shut down and the smell of servos grinding away was embarrassing.

I took him to the repair station myself…one day. I didn’t tell him where we were going. When the maintenance tech opened his access panel, I was the one who pulled the cord. At least his parts went to good use, helping the alliance. I did keep the part of his mechanical arm. That is what I just pulled out of another box.

I know, I’ll use it to stir my coffee!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Old Pictures

So, I am cleaning out some boxes from my old office and I came across a bunch of stuff that I will share with you.

First are these pictures from somewhere near Regalius. This was many, many years ago, back when I was with the 'rebels'. We were looking for a place to get fuel and food on our way to the rim of the galaxy (for the third time), and came across this place.

This is a Hutt outpost, or that is what I was told, but this was not one of the more lucrative group of hutts. I took these using a disposable camera that I got at the 'General Store'. I never saw any officers of any rank inside, but who knows?

Anyway, here are a couple of the pix...

I was particularly impressed with their ingenuity.

Trying to convert this vehicle into a speeder, was very ambitious.









Then there was this:




Again, creative, but missing the mark, I think.













Finally, I noticed this:



Yes, they have very interesting ideas of transportation on this moon, or planet, or whatever it is...

Anyway, I remember also our meeting when we talked about the possibility of staying here instead of going all the way out the 'edge of the galaxy' again.

I voted thumbs-down for that. Just being here for a couple of hours somehow made me feel like my IQ dropped.


Keep 'em Flyin'...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Training Update

So, I get this e-mail today about updated flight regulations and safety requirements. OK, now I am supposed use my terminal to read the information and take the test, rather than go to a formal classroom, like at my old station.

Now it turns out that I do not have access to the training program. I called the techs from the flight deck to see if any of them could help me. They all said that access had to be granted from the central computer, and only flag officers and their staff had access. (I also noticed that they were snickering and smiling after I spoke to them, but it was probably nothing.)

So, I turned to my latest, trusty mech-droid, M5-K9. "M5, come here, fellah. Yes, good droid." I rub him behind his motivator and he makes some squeaky noises. "Can you patch into the ship's computer and get me access to the training programs?"

"Beep, rrrrr, burp, tweet."

M5 extends his little probe and plugs into the extra terminal plug in the office. Some more noises emanate from my electro-mechanical companion and then my terminal starts to change screens.

"Bruuup, boop, whistle, rrrrr."

"You can't? You can't find a work-around, or a back door?"

"whirr, boop."

"OK, thanks for trying. Go clean up my room, please."

"Wheee..."

Suddenly my e-mail icon start flashing and I have an urgent message from... Yes, it is the second-in-command, Commander Lachatarrialistanchuck. Most everyone calls him either Chuck or Lackey, depending on their recent opinion of him. He is in charge of the secondary operations of the ship, and that includes the computer. By the way, he is a Mon Calimarian.

Although I tried to explain my situation, and even used the "trying to ensure the safeguards were in place" excuse, I was generally told not to use my droid for such purposes again, and that someone of my rank and status, blah, blah, blah. You know, looking at those fish-eyes can be very mesmerising. He also metioned something about back when someone had a bunch of clones try and do the same thing and what a fiasco that was, but by then I was into a fantasy about being on a resort planet with someone special...

"Antillies! Do you understand?!"

"Uh, yes sir. It won't happen again. My only problem is that training is due in two days and it is supposed to take three days to get my terminal linked up to the training program."

"I will wave your training until that is done." The commander typed out a few things on his terminal and the looked at me (I think). "You are dismissed, commander."

So, now I think I can milk this training deferment for a couple of weeks. I am sure that I submitted the request, but I may have forgotten a few key items, like my name, on the form. Gee, I hate it when that happens.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Speaking of rank

OK, so I took off on Friday to go visit some friends back on Corellia. I probably should have also paid a visit to my Mom's but I chose not to. The guys and I spent Friday night and most of Saturday playing such sports as 2D-dogfighting (using speeders instead of fliers), droid paintball, and clone rugby (playing against a clone team is tougher than it sounds).

Anyway, my post today is not about my old friends (all of whom are younger than I), but about the inability to get a good seat on a military transport nowadays.

As a member of the Republic's Armed Forces, I have the ability to fly for free to anywhere... that the air/space force goes. The drawback is that I must find a flight that is convenient and goes close to where I want to go. Now, there are many flights to Corellia. Mostly, however, they are commercial shipping vessels bringing in raw materials or parts for the shipyards. There are not that many military flights.

Now my research said that there is a regularly scheduled shuttle from Corsecant to Corellia three times a week. This was apparently set up so that government officials could keep an eye on government contracts. I called and got my name on the standby list, and was told, at the time, that there was plenty of room.

When I got there, it was a different story. It seems that some senatorial junket had commandeered the shuttle to make a run to Yavin 4. It turns out that some developer has transformed the moon into a luxury resort with some very nice golf courses. He invited many senators to come for a 'inspection' of the facility to be sure it meets current permit regulations. There was not enough room on the 'official' transport, so the shuttle was 'borrowed' to accommodate the rest of the Senate Regulatory Committee.

I was probably standing with my mouth wide open as the sergeant at the dispatch desk told me this story. He knew that I was not happy, and he was worried that I was going to take it all out on him.

Now, I typically do not pull rank, but I have found that it does help to grease the wheels at times. I took a deep breath and asked the NCO in front of me if there were any other options. After all, I had made plans.

It turned out that I could make it to Corellia if I didn't mind a short layover and changing craft once. So, I managed to catch a freighter from Corsecant to Hypori, then change ships and jump to Corellia. It should only add a couple of hours to my trip, and I should arrive on time to meet with my friends on Friday night.

Unfortunately, the ship from Corsecant to Hypori is both a cargo and personnel transport. I ended up sitting with several families of women and children who's husbands worked for the company on Hypori. They were going to visit husbands and fathers. Thank the Force that I carry an extra set of headphones with me in my flight bag! I was able to mask out most of the crying and yelling from the children during the flight. Unfortunately, I forgot that these transports do not carry food or booze. It was a long, long, trip.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Maneuvers

Sorry about missing a post or two, but it happens. We had an alert and were told that we were going out for maneuvers. This is a pop-quiz sort of way to ensure that our group can react to emergency issues without killing ourselves.

For me this is nothing new. During the rebellion I was always ready for the klaxton to go off and scramble to my x-wing. Now days, in 'peace time', we are expected to get in our craft and get out of the launch bays just as fast.

This practice session lasted for two days. During the lulls, I was able to link up to the carrier and log on, as some may know from my comments, but I really didn't have the time to write a post.

Why am I boring you with all this? No reason. Probably sleep deprivation from sitting in the cockpit for so many hours.

One of the lieutenants asked me about my age and why I have not made Admiral by now. Well, in truth, I once made that rank, and I fortunately get that pay scale, but after sitting behind a desk, and dealing with the bureaucratic nonsense of the 'New Republic', I made an arrangement with the military to be demoted back to Colonel status (Commander to you navy folks), so I could keep flying.

Now, I may have lost that edge and quickness that these younger hot-shots have, but, as I proved on this last simulation, I know tactics and the performance limits of all these space craft. During a mock attack on an old Star Destroyer, my little rogue squadron scored more hits and had less damage than these new Y-wing and needle fighters.

So, I'm off to get some sleep and enjoy more R&R time. I get tomorrow off because of the extended duty. Flight rules, and all.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Paperwork and paranioa

Well, I have quite a bit to get doen today. After yesterday's little episode with the fire control system, now the Captain wants all the section heads (that includes me) to fill out a report on how we reacted to the multiple alarms. I heard a rumor that he was going to verify the reports with all the camera recordings that were saved from yesterday. It turns out that there are many little eyes watching around the ship.

I didn't know that. I guess I will need to be a little more aware of what I am doing when I 'think' I am alone. Oh man...they are watching ME... I KNOW THEY ARE!! AAGGHHHH!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Big Mess on Monday

What a morning it has been.

My day started as a normal work day, but just as I was getting to my office, a bunch of alarms went off and all heck seemed to break loose. The fire alarm went off, so I headed off to the hanger to man my safety post. Then, before I go to the hanger, the decompression alarm went off, so I ran to the nearest safety locker to get an air suit. Then the AG (Artificial Gravity) alarm went off, so I also got a pair of mag shoes. Once I put all that crap on, I headed for the hanger.

Now you must remember that this is a new ship and the crew is still new also. There was a lot of yelling, and arm waving, and people not knowing what to do, just a general panic. The good thing was that there was no smoke in the hanger and all my squadron showed up right where they should be. (I do enforce a sense of discipline.)

In about five minutes, all the alarms were turned off and we got the all clear. I put my safety equipment in the return bin and then proceeded back to my office. On the way there from the hanger, I stopped by the galley for some coffee and heard the skuttlebut about the alarms.

It seems someone was goofing off in the gym and banged into one of the fire sprinklers. Next thing you know, there is fire suppressant everywhere. That set off the fire alarm. Then some idiot though he would open an outer hatch to blow out all the foam. That set off the decompression alarm. With the decompression, the foam began to soften and liquefy and shorted out the gravity plates in the gym. I had to smile when I heard all this. I am sure the ship's captain (Admiral Huntington) is going to have a few words with a few people.

At least I got my coffee.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Porn names?

I did the anagrams on Wedge, and found that there is no anagram. My last name resulted in a list so long that it seemed silly to include.

However, this did result from another of Fluke's links:


Wonder Exchanging Delightful Gratification and Embraces


I kinda like it and maybe I'll have it stencilled on my x-wing.

Why I am not in Starfleet

This is why I have a problem joining Starfleet.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3904801718913997188

Either this guy is really obsessed with himself, or your cloning restrictions are not being followed.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Back to work!

I just got back from another orientation meeting on the amenities and regulations here abourt the 'Organa'. It turns out that it was named after the Organa family, and not just the Princess. I am sure that you can think of all the 'nick names' this massive vessel has aquired in its short lifetime.

Although the parts for this massive craft came from many different places, the superstructure was built and outfitted at Hypori. I heard that Corellia couldn't take the contract because it was too busy, but it did build many of the systems used on board. So I do have little parts of home around me.

As for my little space, I share an office with Major Garraph and I am bunking with a Captain Beumont. The Major is the CO of Duece Squadron, a fairly new flight of x-wing pilots. He's got two women under his command and I can't wait to hear what issues he has with that. Beumont is a shuttle pilot and also has command of a tie-fighter wing. It's just three vehicles, just like the old Empire used to do. In case of an attack, his team, and nine other teams, are the last line of outboard defense. After that are the laser cannons on the ship.

Both guys saw some action after the fall of the Empire, in cleaning up the old holdouts, but neither has as many combat hours as I do. So, I should feel pretty smug, shouldn't I? Not my style, actually (yeah, right).

Anyway, this is a big ship. I finally found the mess hall and where to get coffee and where the head is located. So, at least, I can get settled in. Next week I will meet my new CO. For now, however, it's Friday! Unfortunately, I spent my allowance on my trip home, so I guess I will just watch vids in the day room. Maybe learn this new game, "Texas Holdem" that they play here.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Porkins


One of the comments I recently recieved mentioned a rather robust campanion of mine, namely Jek Porkins. Jek was a good friend. He bit the big one during our attack on the Death Star.



What I remember most about Jek was his good sense of humor. True, we had to use a droid to squeeze him into his x-wing, and if you got in the chow line after him, you may miss getting desert, but he was a good man and a good pilot.

One funny story I do recall is when we returned from patrol and Jek opened his hatch. Well the 'methane' build up was too much for his air scrubber to handle, and there was a mech droid very close to his ship. The droid was welding, the 'methane' ignited, and the resulting fire ball set off the sprinkler system. No one was hurt, and the sight of Jek, with no eyebrows and smoldering, was so hilarious that the whole squad laughed for days after.

After that we all had to sit down for a lecture on our dietary intake, and how we needed to stay in shape, and now we were required to vent our flight decks before landing, and yada, yada, yada...

I found out later that the ground crews were issued some detectors to use before fully popping the hatch. It seems like the brass has no sense of humor.

I must share this...

To all my friends who care, thank you!

Thank you!!!

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can of soda I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually AlQaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.And thanks for always correcting me with "gotchas" from "Snoops" who knows it all.

Thanks to you, I am totally in the know.And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's secondhusband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Back On Post

Hello again, everyone. I hope that your Holiday break was as relaxing and enjoyable as mine.

I had a good time visiting my old home and my mother. I got to see friends and eat and drink with friends and eat and watch the local vids... and eat. "Gee whiz, Mom, I've had enough!"

"But Chrissy, I made your favorite, deep-fried koruth livers."

"Mom, don't call me that! Call me Wedge."

Well, the holiday went on like that for many days. My mother is 80-something, and she still thinks of me as a child.

So, between the constant flow of starches and the brews with some guys that I knew from school, I seem to have put on a couple of pounds. I noticed it this morning when I (tried to) put on my flight suit.

"Hey, R7 (my latest astro-mech droid), can you come here and help me with this zipper?" Boy, was that embarrassing. Thank goodness no on else was around to see that. I guess I better head back to the gym and start working out.

At least I did get some well-deserved rest. Of course, with all the eating and 'beverages' I was often asleep on my mom's couch. Anaphylactic shock will do that to you.

Anyway, I am back on my new carrier, in a new office, and new quarters. I now need to go and see my new CO. Wish me luck.